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DOGGIE DAILIES

29 Jan

ALL THE BARK THAT’S FIT TO POST
So, I’ve been away for a while, my best friend was out in Orlando for the PGA Merchandising Conference and I was shipped over to a friend’s house who only has dial-up access… but has a lot of reading material I could paw through, so here’s a few things I picked up over the last couple a days.

SKYBARk
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L.A., Vegas and Boston, now doggies that like to drink and best friends who like the nightlife have a place to do it all in style. SKYBARk is the brainchild of Brandon Hochman and Ralph Diaz, the inventors of PETaPOTTY, inside “mini-parks” that help best friends potty train puppies and give us some grass to roll around in when our friends are away.

SKYBARk has a fixed location on top of PETaPOTTY’s headquarters on Santa Fe Avenue in L.A. But SKYBARk parties are popping up across the country, every party is also a charitable event, in fact the inaugural event, which took place in March 2006 raised over $4,000 for “New Leash on Life.” Go to www.skybark.com to learn about events in your area or how to bring SKYBARk to your hometown.

DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW
Just about 8 million dogs wind up in shelters every year and of those about 4 million are “euthanized” (i.e. killed). One of the main reasons we end up in this perdicament is due to “behavioral issues” but whose “behavior issues” is what I ask?

So, I hope that you humans who are considering becoming a pooch’s best friend, know that it’s best to do your research before unleashing what may become one of the most rewarding relationships of your life. If not, read my story, FROM THE STREETS OF NEW YORK and see what happens when a human buys a dog without first considering the amount of time, effort and funds it takes to keep us around.

Get the facts straight before you settle down with a dog. Check out “The Everything Guide to Getting a Dog” by Rosencrans Baldwin, that appeared in the Jan. 15 issue of New York Magazine.

DIFFERENT DOGS NEED DIFFERENT CONDITIONERS
Isle of Dogs has recently launched a new line of personalized dog products— over 16 different shampoos and conditioners. Get your best friend to go to their website and create a profile for you and watch your coat go from dull to pawtastic, in two to three washes. They also have products that detangle, sooth irritated skin and reduce shedding.

TUNE IN SOON:
I will be launching my “Viscious Circle of Unconditional Love” soon… this will include my Manifesto on Unconditional Love, Pictures of pooches that have already joined (to join send your dossier and photo to stichthedog@gmail.com), and a line of THUGS4LUV t-shirts and stuff.

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LABS STILL LEAD THE LIST

16 Jan

Who read the Times today? Which Times, the one that’s the paper of record people… if you’re in there, then you are somewhere… or so they bark… or so they lead us to believe.

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(Photo provided by the American Kennel Club)

In any case, yesterday the American Kennel Club announced a change in their “10 Most Popular Dog Breeds in the Nation,” and accroding to the Times article written by Anthony Ramirez, “Across the country, the most popular dog last year, as it has been for 16 years in a row, was the Labrador retriever, with about 124,000 registrations, or 14 percent of the club’s total.”

He went on to write that the “big news, the club said, was the No. 2 ranking in both the city and the country: the Yorkshire terrier, overtaking larger breeds like the golden retriever and the German shepherd.”

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FRENCHIES GONE?
So, I went to the American Kennel Club website and checked out their list which is broken down by “Ten Most Popular Breeds in the US:”

1. Labrador Retriever
2. Yorkshire Terrier
3. German Shepherd Dog
4. Golden Retriever
5. Beagle
6. Dachshund
7. Boxer
8. Poodle
9. Shih Tzu
10. Miniature Schnauzer

And then the lists are broken down by city… and although I saw bulldog on the list quite a few times I didn’t comes across FRENCH Bulldog, what up wit dat… French Bulldogs and English Bulldogs are not the same… viva de Resistence!!!

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ENGLISH BULLDOG- He’s ruggedly good-looking but eats fish and chips and drinks pints… so I bet his breath stinks…

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FRENCH BULLDOG- I’m so interesting to look at that your eyes glaze over, plus, I eat Violet Pastilles and drink Champagne so my breath smells like a spring-time breeze

BUT THEN, I went to the “Complete List of Top Dog Breed in the U.S.” only to discover that French Bulldogs RANK #36… only 36, come opn FRENCHIES, we can do better than that!

MR. WINKLE AND THE CUTENESS MACHINE

11 Jan

THE TEETH COME OUT WHEN MR.WINKLE COMES UP

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Yo animals, what up…

So my long awaited opus on why I have, had and am having a beef with the so-called “Cutest Dog in the World,” the evil Mr. Winkle.

First off, What is he? To me he is Public Enemy Number One… and a symbol of cuteness-gone-a-rye.

BOTTOM-LINE: POSHLUST
He’s a dog… not a space alien, cafeteria worker or a fairy. Why is he trying so hard to be ANYTHING other than what he is? For those of you who aren’t familiar with this canine-in-waiting, he rose to fame a couple years ago on the Internet, why? Because he is supposed to be so darn cute… but what is cute, and what does cute mean?

Mr. Winkle is what Nabokov would call POSHLUST, “not only the obviously trashy but mainly the falsely important, the falsely beautiful (another way of saying cute), the falsely clever (what some people might think of my blog), the falsely attractive,” that sums the Winks up and a couple of other headlining grabbing entities I don’t care to name, too!

I believe that both the human and animal societies place too much emphasis on being cute and not enough on having substance. We need more calendars dedicated to Seeing Eye dogs, fire and police dogs, those of us out here in the world working our tails off everyday, in a positive way, not simply by trying to pass as a living stuffed animal.

Think of all those cute humans out there, simply slipping by on their smile or over-dugg dimples… Cute, ugly, frumpy, skinny, fat, Goth, corporate, yupster, over-extended… we shouldn’t define ourselves by what’s on the outside but by the animals we are inside.

JUST SAY “I DON’T THINK SO TO THE CUTENESS MACHINE!”
Next time you see a baby, don’t say to his mommy and daddy, “Oh, how cute.” Say, “How many languages can he speak.” Or if you see a puppy, don’t patronize him, pick him up, look him in the eye and say, “I will respect you my friend because you have a wisdom that I have yet to comprehend.”

Nuff said… however, in the spirit of unconditional love I DO have to give Mr. Winkle PROPS for supporting a lot of charities… That is a sign of substance, right? I don’t know? Maybe we should ask Angelina Jolie or better yet… Jen Aniston… (Which team are you one TEAM STITCH or TEAM WINKLE?)

Who saw Mr. Winkle on TBS’s “Sex and the City” last night? He was there, on a book tour when Carry took her crazy-train-cross-country tip to San Francisco. That cat seems to pop up everywhere… especially in my nightmares.

PROZAC FOR CATS AND DOGS ???

10 Jan

PILL POPPING PETS
According to an article written by Carla Hall that appears in the LATimes today, “The use of antidepressants is another example of the growing sophistication of medical care available to animals and willingly financed by owners who see pets as cherished companions.”

Yeah, sophisticated medical treatments like debarking dogs… What the hell is happening here… first themselves… then their kids… and now their pets… Who or WHAT won’t the baby-boomers prescribe PROZAZ to?

I guess they saw my article about being sad the other day…

Hall also mentions LV Carriers in her LA Times article today, and goes on to write, “Veterinarians who prescribe psychoactive drugs insist they are not Dr. Feelgoods for the animal set. They do medical work-ups on animals, they say, to rule out physical causes for destructive or neurotic actions and prefer to use behavior modification instead of — or, at least, along with — drug therapy. Sometimes they have to deflate the expectations of owners eager to place their pets on antidepressants.”

We’ve heard this story before, just different players… Chihuahuas BEWARE… They’ll be popping out the Ritalin next.

SCOOBY-DOO CARTOONIST DIES

9 Jan

R.I.P Iwao Takamoto R.I.P

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The cartoonist who created both Scooby-Doo and Muttley the dog, has died at age 81. BBC News

Hope it wasn’t anything I said about Scooby over the past couple of days. Uht-Oh, My Bad

REASONS TO REMOVE A DOG’S LARYNX

6 Jan

At the DogRun: A Weekly Gossip Update!
I’ve heard a lot of barking around the dogrun about my old friend Sounder… it sounds like his “So-Called” best friends have opt-ed to have him DeBarked. It sounds as if HIS PEOPLE just couldn’t handle what he had to say… Note to My Dog Readership: Never discuss politics with family, co-workers or best friends.

This got me to thinking…Why do people remove animals’ voices? It seems so antiquated and oppressive.

REASONS TO REMOVE A DOG’S LARYNX: Person’s Perspective

1.) You live in a six story walk up on the lower east side, which is bad enough, but now the hipster’s, PUPSTER, that lives next-door, is yapping up a storm especially when HIS PEOPLE play “Interpol” or “TV on the Radio” (which BTW is one pawsome band).

2.) You live in a West Virginia trailer park and the single-mom with five kids next-door, all have their own dog, each of which is a mutt— all of which you’d prefer be sent off to the farm. These pack animals bring down the proverbial house very time you pull up in your F150 and take your gun off the rack.

3.) You live in the Brownsville’s Van Dyck housing project and the bark of the PIT-BULL next-door is truly worse then his bite— it’s like he has a Mike Tyson lisp…who by the way is from Brownsville, which gets you thinkin’ that it must be something in the water.

4.) You live in a Malibu Beach House and the bitch next-door keeps dropping shit all over your private beach, however, real problem is, she brings her dog outside with her every night she does it, unfortunately for the dog she carries him is a LV doggie-bag that he can’t stand, and unfortunately for you he’s very vocal about it.

5.) You live in a gated-community, inside another gated community in Scottsdale, AZ, your neighbor’s brother-in-law is a cop who gets his jollies by pulling over VW’s that drive too far to the left, you have three mini-dachshunds that barely make a sound, but for some reason…said neighbor keeps complaining to said cop who keeps complaining to animal control, who tells you, you have three options…1.) Get rid of the dogs, 2.) Move outside of said gated community into the less-exclusive gated-community, 3.) Rip out the little krauts larynxes out.

THE ANSWER: NON-OF THE ABOVE
We have right to express ourselves! People do stuff to our ears (a way we express ourselves), stuff to our tails (another way we express ourselves) and now they’re cutting out our cords… when will it stop? We need to be able to communicate with other dogs and with people. It’s our right to… let you know when we’re hungry, have to go to the bathroom or when a burglar is in the house. When people take away our voices, we get frustrated, and when we get frustrated, we attempt to de-flower stuffed animals and commit sneaker atrocities.

Here’s how the procedure works: A Vet (hopefully) reaches down through our mouths to our larynxes with a “biopsy punch” or a pair of scissors and removes a portion of our vocal folds. It is said that most dogs who are “debarked” can still vocalize, just at a lower pitched sound. However, sometimes if there is an attempt to remove the entire vocal fold, our little larynxes get blocked by scar tissue, so we don’t even want to TRY and make a yelp for help.

People, you created this world, and under your rules we need help to make it in this world. What are we to do when you can’t hear us ask for help?

PS… In my research, I came across a “Myth” that “Criminals and drug dealers debark dogs?” Is this true, is it is… I’ve sure as hell never heard about that before.

HUMANS RELY IN PRECIDENT
It all starts out with DEBARKING dogs and next thing you know, people will be doing this kind of stuff like this to their children…. If they aren’t already:

Girl Frozen in Time
Designer Babies with Mom and Dad’s “Defective” Genes
Couple Chose to have Deaf Baby

WHY MR. WINKEL BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME

6 Jan

MY TALE WILL WAG ON THIS SUBJECT TOMORROW BUT…

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I MEAN LOOK AT THIS…IS THIS HOW YOU’D LIKE TO START YOUR NEW YEARS, it’s like waking up, rolling over and realizing the pillow next to you is ACTUALLY a miss-placed relic from the previous night’s trip to funkytown.