BOW-WOW… IS THIS A DREAM OR IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING

Somewhere, somehow, people are finding me and they are diggin’ me. Can anyone tell me, is there something here that I tagged that has recently become popular OR are you all coming just to growl at little old me.

So, I’ve been back east for a while now, trying to figure out just what I want to do with my life… it’s so different here than it is in Arizona, especially because my owner made me move to to Jersey. Yes, we’ve got a back-yard but no fence so I can’t just run out whenever I want to.

To make matters worse there are all type of critters I see out there that I want to chase, chipmunks, wild turkey and deer. In any case, I’m not really feelin the day today so I decide to check out my long-fore-long blog effort and what should I find but, like stats that are out the roof.

BTW- check this out… a new movie by Disney… dogs with attitude “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.” I think one of the freakin’ writers read my blog and THEN had the idea, the bastards, OH WELL, I’ll take a Thuggish French Bulldog over a RACIALLY STEREOTYPICAL RAT DOG any day. What about you.

Don’t forget THUGS4LUV, stay real, don’t dress up your dog.

MR. WINKLE AND THE CUTENESS MACHINE

THE TEETH COME OUT WHEN MR.WINKLE COMES UP

Yo animals, what up…

So my long awaited opus on why I have, had and am having a beef with the so-called “Cutest Dog in the World,” the evil Mr. Winkle.

First off, What is he? To me he is Public Enemy Number One… and a symbol of cuteness-gone-a-rye.

BOTTOM-LINE: POSHLUST
He’s a dog… not a space alien, cafeteria worker or a fairy. Why is he trying so hard to be ANYTHING other than what he is? For those of you who aren’t familiar with this canine-in-waiting, he rose to fame a couple years ago on the Internet, why? Because he is supposed to be so darn cute… but what is cute, and what does cute mean?

Mr. Winkle is what Nabokov would call POSHLUST, “not only the obviously trashy but mainly the falsely important, the falsely beautiful (another way of saying cute), the falsely clever (what some people might think of my blog), the falsely attractive,” that sums the Winks up and a couple of other headlining grabbing entities I don’t care to name, too!

I believe that both the human and animal societies place too much emphasis on being cute and not enough on having substance. We need more calendars dedicated to Seeing Eye dogs, fire and police dogs, those of us out here in the world working our tails off everyday, in a positive way, not simply by trying to pass as a living stuffed animal.

Think of all those cute humans out there, simply slipping by on their smile or over-dugg dimples… Cute, ugly, frumpy, skinny, fat, Goth, corporate, yupster, over-extended… we shouldn’t define ourselves by what’s on the outside but by the animals we are inside.

JUST SAY “I DON’T THINK SO TO THE CUTENESS MACHINE!”
Next time you see a baby, don’t say to his mommy and daddy, “Oh, how cute.” Say, “How many languages can he speak.” Or if you see a puppy, don’t patronize him, pick him up, look him in the eye and say, “I will respect you my friend because you have a wisdom that I have yet to comprehend.”

Nuff said… however, in the spirit of unconditional love I DO have to give Mr. Winkle PROPS for supporting a lot of charities… That is a sign of substance, right? I don’t know? Maybe we should ask Angelina Jolie or better yet… Jen Aniston… (Which team are you one TEAM STITCH or TEAM WINKLE?)

Who saw Mr. Winkle on TBS’s “Sex and the City” last night? He was there, on a book tour when Carry took her crazy-train-cross-country tip to San Francisco. That cat seems to pop up everywhere… especially in my nightmares.

REASONS TO REMOVE A DOG’S LARYNX

At the DogRun: A Weekly Gossip Update!
I’ve heard a lot of barking around the dogrun about my old friend Sounder… it sounds like his “So-Called” best friends have opt-ed to have him DeBarked. It sounds as if HIS PEOPLE just couldn’t handle what he had to say… Note to My Dog Readership: Never discuss politics with family, co-workers or best friends.

This got me to thinking…Why do people remove animals’ voices? It seems so antiquated and oppressive.

REASONS TO REMOVE A DOG’S LARYNX: Person’s Perspective

1.) You live in a six story walk up on the lower east side, which is bad enough, but now the hipster’s, PUPSTER, that lives next-door, is yapping up a storm especially when HIS PEOPLE play “Interpol” or “TV on the Radio” (which BTW is one pawsome band).

2.) You live in a West Virginia trailer park and the single-mom with five kids next-door, all have their own dog, each of which is a mutt— all of which you’d prefer be sent off to the farm. These pack animals bring down the proverbial house very time you pull up in your F150 and take your gun off the rack.

3.) You live in the Brownsville’s Van Dyck housing project and the bark of the PIT-BULL next-door is truly worse then his bite— it’s like he has a Mike Tyson lisp…who by the way is from Brownsville, which gets you thinkin’ that it must be something in the water.

4.) You live in a Malibu Beach House and the bitch next-door keeps dropping shit all over your private beach, however, real problem is, she brings her dog outside with her every night she does it, unfortunately for the dog she carries him is a LV doggie-bag that he can’t stand, and unfortunately for you he’s very vocal about it.

5.) You live in a gated-community, inside another gated community in Scottsdale, AZ, your neighbor’s brother-in-law is a cop who gets his jollies by pulling over VW’s that drive too far to the left, you have three mini-dachshunds that barely make a sound, but for some reason…said neighbor keeps complaining to said cop who keeps complaining to animal control, who tells you, you have three options…1.) Get rid of the dogs, 2.) Move outside of said gated community into the less-exclusive gated-community, 3.) Rip out the little krauts larynxes out.

THE ANSWER: NON-OF THE ABOVE
We have right to express ourselves! People do stuff to our ears (a way we express ourselves), stuff to our tails (another way we express ourselves) and now they’re cutting out our cords… when will it stop? We need to be able to communicate with other dogs and with people. It’s our right to… let you know when we’re hungry, have to go to the bathroom or when a burglar is in the house. When people take away our voices, we get frustrated, and when we get frustrated, we attempt to de-flower stuffed animals and commit sneaker atrocities.

Here’s how the procedure works: A Vet (hopefully) reaches down through our mouths to our larynxes with a “biopsy punch” or a pair of scissors and removes a portion of our vocal folds. It is said that most dogs who are “debarked” can still vocalize, just at a lower pitched sound. However, sometimes if there is an attempt to remove the entire vocal fold, our little larynxes get blocked by scar tissue, so we don’t even want to TRY and make a yelp for help.

People, you created this world, and under your rules we need help to make it in this world. What are we to do when you can’t hear us ask for help?

PS… In my research, I came across a “Myth” that “Criminals and drug dealers debark dogs?” Is this true, is it is… I’ve sure as hell never heard about that before.

HUMANS RELY IN PRECIDENT
It all starts out with DEBARKING dogs and next thing you know, people will be doing this kind of stuff like this to their children…. If they aren’t already:

Girl Frozen in Time
Designer Babies with Mom and Dad’s “Defective” Genes
Couple Chose to have Deaf Baby

BRITNEY SPEARS VOTED WORLD’S WORST CELEBRITY DOG OWNER

BARK IT LIKE YOU SEE IT
I could say oops she did it again, but really what’s the point? This chick flick/horror movie has gotten herself voted “World’s Worst Celebrity Dog Owner in an online poll of readers of Hollywood Dog and New York Dog.” Read the story:
eonline

R.I.P. BIT-BIT, LACY and dare I say it: OH SO UNLUCKY

NOT QUITE THE LITTLE PRINCESS ANYMORE ARE WE
Don’t forget my four-legged friends… we are not accessories to be thrown away when you think that we do fit anymore. We are NOT old news… but maybe Britney will be…the largest unofficial fan site devoted to the one-time mega-star, “World of Britney” will soon be shutting down. Read the story:
People

STAY TUNED FOR:
Why Cute and Fuzzy Has Got to Go (Bye Miss Britney…BTW I mean fuzzy as in furry, not Fuzzy as in Navel or Last Night)

More Reasons to Resue a Dog (they are very theraputic)

And, Why France is SO MUCH BETTER than the UK (Brought to you by: Frogs for a United Front)

WHY I’M ANNOYED AT SCOOBY-DOO

GET A CLUE SCOOBY-DOO
Because he can’t seem to “Scooby-Doo-A-Thing” without a friggin Scooby snack…

I mean, how lame…grow-up Scooby…get a life and go on a diet.

What EXACTLY are in those Scooby snacks anyway…hint… hint… You know where I’m going with this… chicken liver… yeah, that’s what I think too!

PLUS… the movies SUCK… sorry SMG, heard you would good as Buffy… but as Daphne, NOT SO MUCH or NOT AT ALL. Actually, strange twist, don’t Willow, Xander and Buffy refer to themselves as the “Scooby Crew” on said Slayer show? Sounds like some cast director was listening.

STAY TUNED FOR:
At the DogRun: A weekly gossip update!

More About Nancy Pelosi (Somebody’s got to WATCHDOG her, might as well be me.)

And, Why France is SO MUCH BETTER than the UK

WHY I ADMIRE SNOOPY

SNOOPY IS MORE THAN A DOG… HE IS ONE COOL MUTHA
Because he is a dog of few words, and I know a couple people around here that MIGHT, just might be able to learn from him… DO… don’t just say.

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT “JOE COOL”?
Snoopy first made his appearance on the strip on Oct. 4, 1950.
That makes the Snoops 56 years old.

Snoopy’s original name was going to be “Sniffy.”

Snoopy is so cool a West Coast Rapper named himself after him.

Snoopy was completely silent for his first two years of his life, however he eventually started to share his thought via bubble-tron (thought-balloons).

Snoopy is a buddy novelist and aviator.
“It was a dark and stromy night…”

Snoopy loves root beer.

Snoopy understands “a little French.”
Don’t forget he flew in WWI

What Charles Schulz had to say about snoopy in a 1997 interview: “He has to retreat into his fanciful world in order to survive. Otherwise, he leads kind of a dull, miserable life. I don’t envy the lives dogs have to live.”

THE LIVES DOG’S LIVE
You know, when it really comes down to it, I have to say that like most dogs, the best part of my day is snuggling up to one of my Best Friends, all this internal monolouge junk is just gravy on the train.

STAY TUNED FOR:
Fanny Bites Back

Why Snoopy is My Zen Master

Why I’m Annoyed at Scooby-Doo

And, Why France is SO MUCH BETTER than the UK

STITCH UNLEASHED

I’m cute…what do you think?

I’ve Got Soul…I miss you James Brown.

THIS BARK GOES OUT TO: Kent

I’ve decided that every once in a while, if you leave me a post, I’ll leave you a treat, in the form of a personalized “Bark Out.”

THIS BARK GOES OUT TO: Kent
Nancy Pelosi Rocks the Biscuits Ya’ll… Get ready to watch Pelosi Bring it to the Bowl.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, I have an unusual amount of free time on my paws…

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (itunes, winamp, media player, ipod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend your cool…just type it in man!

Opening Credits:
Come to Daddy- Aphex Twin

Waking Up:
Sometimes- My Bloody Valentine

First Day of Obedience School:
This Scene is Dead- We Are Scientists

Falling in Love:
Make You Feel That Way- Blackalicious

Fight Song:
France’s National Anthem

Prom:
Money Don’t Matter Tonight – Prince

Life:
American Girl – Tom Petty
(What the… this don’t make no sense, I say, “Viva de Résistance… Bark…Bark”

Driving:
Duh… I DON’T have thumbs, I have paws…

Final Battle:
The Good the Bad the Ugly- Kanye West
(I’m the good, Murphy [more on him later] is the bad, and we all know who the UGLY is, it’s that DIABOLICAL MR.WINKLE)

Death Scene:
Don’t Believe the Hype- Public Enemy

Funeral Song:
Extraordinary Girl – Green Day

End Credits
Anarchy in the Uk- Sex Pistols
(This happens because at my death… those nasty chip and fish eating Brits realize the power and glory that is FRANCE.)

STAY TUNED FOR:
Pictures of meeeeee

More about why I called Murphy a bad dog (it’s kind-a an inside joke), don’t EVEN get me started on Fanny (yep, that’s what her best friends decided to name her) and Abby

More about why I admire Snoopy

And, Why France is SO MUCH BETTER than the UK

FROM THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

Yo, my name is Stitch and I’m a little brindle French Bull Dog from the streets of New York. I was rescued and brought to live in Scottsdale, AZ by a kid named Kyle. Just to let you know, I’m pretty masculine looking, but alas, I am a girl and I’m going to be 6 soon.

SO, HERE’S MY STORY:
In “the City” (I can call it that because I’m from there) a lot of people get dogs like me as more of an accessory than anything else, a status symbol if you will. These twerps, as I like to call them, don’t always realize how much love, attention and sidewalk time sweet little dogs like me, really need.

You all know who I’m talking about, you’ve seen them, everyone from Paris Hilton with Tinkerbell to Britney Spears with Little Lily, Porkchop, Bit-Bit, Sean Preston and Jayden James (Oops… some of those might be her kids) to Jessica Simpson with Daisy…BARF!!!

ATTENTION MY TWO-LEGGED FRIENDS:
Even though we come in a wide range of sizes and colors, we small dogs are much more than a Juicy Couture Sweatshirt or Louis Vuitton Bag (although I think some of these people get us little dogs just so they can carry us the a LV dog carrier).

In any case, a few years ago, Frenchies like me were a hot ticket… Anna Wintour, the Editor in Chief of Vouge (think “The Devil Wears Prada”) ONLY has Frenchies… probably because we are cute in a gremlin/gargoyle type way, short and stout and don’t shed.

ONWARD I BARK:
For some reason an NYU Student decided that she wanted to buy me, she got me from the same breeder that Wintour got her Frenchies and paid like 3500 bucks for me (I’m special, a lot more special that that little freak Mr. Winkle who looks a lot more like a doggie-cosmetology experiment GONE BAD than the “Cutest Living Dog in the World” but more about that later).

In any case, this NYU chick soon realized that, dogs and dorms don’t go together… neither do clubbing until 4 a.m., smoking, sleeping-in, study sessions or romantic candle-light dinners. BUT, she paid $3500 bucks for me and wanted that money BACK… woe is me, to be seen only as a commodity… what a life.

BARK ON, BARK AWAY:
NYU Girl put an ad in the “All the News that’s Fit to Print” Times, in an attempt to SELL-ME… oh, yeah, she named me ANGEL… and now she wanted to sell me. Luckily for me, a sweet and caring woman that sells modern art, loves Frenchies, and rescues dogs, saw the ad and inquired. She explained to said NYU Girl, that she would take Angel off her hands and find a really good home for her (me) but would NOT pay her.

NYU Girl spoke with her parents, but of course they were skeptical, they thought that Art Lady was going to take me and then sell me herself, so this made for quite a conundrum…

ENTER STAGE LEFT… UPPER EAST SIDE OLD FOLKS:
These Old Folks saw the same ad in the paper that Art Lady did— they bought me from NYU Student and next thing I knew I was singing, “I’m moving on up, moving on up, to the Eastside, to the Eastside… to a big old apartment in the sky..i…i.” However, life wasn’t all that grand. The Old Folks kept me for ONE day ONLY, and my Upper East Side existence faded into the past. Why, do you ask? I’m not sure if it was my contempt for Mr. Winkle, or that I refused to change my breed from “French Bulldog” to “Freedom Bulldog” or just that I was just too much of a puppy for them to handle, but I was given the proverbial boot pretty fast.

ART LADY SAVES THE DAY:
So, NYU Girl thought she had me off her hands and out of her dorm, but I was back, and she didn’t want me (And, I’m supposed to be the Bitch?), so she called Art Lady and said she could have me for free. Art Lady took me in and down to the gallery in SoHo where she worked, their I met a young lass named Amy, and Amy had a little brother who was visiting from Scottsdale… who just so happened to be having a birthday and just so happened to be wanting a dog.

I met Kyle and loved him right away, his smile and his big blue eyes. He became my first and number one best friend, but he has lots of sisters and brothers and friends with other small non-accessorized pooches that I’ve become friends with. He brought me home to AZ on a plane and I’ve been living it up ever since.

NOW I’M STICH:
One more little twist to the story, Kyle renamed me. He changed my name from Angel to Stitch, because he thought (and a couple of other people thought too) that I look a lot like Stitch from the Disney movie, “Lilo and Stitch.” I like the name, less ethereal, more down to earth, just like cute little me.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you want a dog, try and rescue one before you buy, if you do buy, please don’t use us as fancy accessories, that’s what babies and Bugaboo Strollers are for.

STAY TUNED FOR:
Pictures of meeeeee

More about my ongoing feud with Mr. Winkle

More about my take on the United Nations

And, Why France is SO MUCH BETTER than the UK